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| The Half Man Johnny Eck |
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| Pinhead Simon Metz aka Schlitzie |
Halloween... the time when horror and sci-fi movies all come crawling out of the woodwork and onto various television channels. Who hasn't watched a movie starring the characters of Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees or Mike Myers...? Or a dark and foreboding Stephen King movie...? Or one of the Hellraiser movies starring the character Pinhead...?
But, for a change... How about a movie starring a real pinhead...?
Tod Browning's Freaks may not be a horror movie in the sense that they are today, but back in 1932 it was considered a "pre-code" horror film. Aptly so, since most of the "freaks" either frightened or out-right disgusted movie goers.
The tale tells the story of a group of circus performers, only two of whom are normal in appearance. One of the so-called "freaks" is a midget named Hans who is in love with the "normal" female performer dubbed Cleopatra. Cleopatra is quite the bitch, poking fun at Hans and the other freaks until she learns Hans has inherited a great deal of money. Suddenly, her demeanor towards him changes (obviously she's a gold-digger) and, seeing his chance at happiness, Hans proposes and she accepts. The two are married and the freaks, being kind of heart, decide to accept the cruel Cleopatra into their ranks. But being married to a freak doesn't suit Cleopatra... Unbeknownst to anyone, she begins to slowly poison the poor, naive Hans, hoping to kill him to gain his inheritance and run off with the strong man.
But the freaks aren't stupid... They know something is amiss and, after a bit of spying, learn of Cleopatra's doings... They decide to get revenge, end up chasing her through the woods and converging on her. The next you see Cleopatra, she's a half woman, half duck side-show freak.
It isn't the plot the makes the movie anything even remotely close to a horror film. What makes it so are the freaks... Above are two of the stars of Freaks, Johnny Eck and Simon Metz (aka Schlitzie). These are not a result of trick photography... These are real "freaks" of nature. Eck was one of two twins that was born without anything below the rib area. Though, after reading up on him, it seems it wasn't a misfortune in his eyes...
Metz was born with microcephaly, a neurodevelopmental disorder. In the movie, they were referred to as "pinheads" due to the small structure of their heads.
Though not technically a horror movie, it's still a must see for Halloween, if for no other reason than to see real life oddities.
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| Carey Grant in Arsenic and Old Lace |
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| Grant as Mortimer and his murdering aunts |
Creepy as it is comedic, this classic movie is a perfect movie for the Halloween.
Set on Halloween in Brooklyn, New York, the story tells the tale of a writer named Mortimer Brewster who has written several books about marriage, dubbing it "old fashioned superstition". Yet he marries the girl next door on Halloween day in secret. After the vows are taken, they both go to their respective homes to pack for the honeymoon and tell their respective families of their union. However, things don't go well for Mortimer when he arrives home to tell his two adorably sweet spinster aunts and his insane brother (who thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt).
When Mortimer opens the lid to the window seat, he finds a dead body inside. At first he assumes his brother Teddy killed the man while in the grips of some delusion. However, he learns that his spinster aunts, Abby and Martha, are actually the ones responsible. The two, sweet little old ladies have a room for rent that usually attracts lonely old bachelors with no family. The aunts tell Mortimer that it's one of their "charities", putting these men out of their suffering of loneliness by serving them elderberry wine spiked with arsenic, strychnine and cyanide (I bet that wine packs a real punch). Once put out of their misery, the aunts have Teddy take the poor soul down into the basement, where he believes he's digging locks for the Panama Canal, to be buried as an unfortunate victim fallen prey to yellow fever.
As if this news hasn't whipped poor Mortimer up into enough of a frenzy... To make matters worse, his murdering brother, Johnathan shows up with a stiff of his own and an alcoholic plastic surgeon, Dr. Einstein (played by Peter Lorre). He's on the lamb and decides the aunt's home is the perfect place to dump the stiff and have the good doctor change his appearance. But things don't go according to plan... In a drunken stupor, Dr. Einstein reinvents Johnathan's face to resemble Boris Karloff's and the aunt's make a fuss about having someone they consider a "stranger" and a "foreigner" buried along with their nice, lonely old gentlemen.
All the while, Mortimer is trying frantically to keep the situation under control and having more than a little difficulty. But who wouldn't if they were trying to keep their kindly, murdering aunts from getting caught, getting their insane brother committed to an institution and keep their murderous brother from killing them? And all the while, having their new spouse growing more and more tired of waiting to begin their honeymoon... Not to mention the fear of becoming insane like the rest of the Brewster family. It's Mortimer's frantic state that really provides the comedy in the film...
In the end, Johnathan gets arrested, Teddy gets committed to the asylum and the aunts, not wanting him to go alone, decide to join him (which is where they should be anyway). But before they go, the aunt's inform Mortimer that there's no fear of him becoming insane... He's not a Brewster, he's the son of a sea cook, which he then happily exclaims to his new bride and whisks her off for their honeymoon.
In this age of wanting terrors, blood, guts and gore in our horror films, we tend to forget the classics that provide a bit of horror in their own way. Sad but true... Thankfully, there are still some of us who can appreciate these wonderful old movies.
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