Mental Illness and Cats: The Connecting Tie

Sebastian and his obscene tail

kyoki in the wastebasket

As proof that there is a link between mental illness and cats... I have decided to post pictures of my own cats, whom, I have decided, are more than a few fries short of a Happy Meal... to say the least...

Let me introduce you to the little fuzz brains...
Sebastian is my seven month old, long haired male. He's overly energetic when he's awake, sleeps like the dead when he naps, and is a very non-affectionate creature. And he has the strangest obsession with his tail... Granted, it's a beautiful tail... It's longer than his body and is so fluffy a plume that it almost looks like a raccoon tail. It's definitely something he should be proud of. But the way he feels about it crosses the line between pride of it and a fetish for it. He's constantly preening it, hugs it when he sleeps and has this bizarre habit of covering his  "junk" with it when he sits or lays down.
kyoki (non-capitalized, is the Japanese word for "lunacy") is my nine year old, tortie female. She's overly affectionate to the point of being obnoxious, has difficulty learning discipline, but is generally a pleasant cat to have around. She also has this quirk... Every time the bag in the wastebasket gets replaced, she absolutely has to jump into the basket. Not especially unusual for cats, but still a strange habit none the less.

I am, at this point, thoroughly convinced that cats live in this perpetual state that's something akin to an acid trip... I've often seen my cats stalking absolutely nothing at all with the stealth of a jungle cat (or ninja) and pounce on these imaginary objects. At times, I've had a feeling of discomfort, only to look up to see one of the cats staring at a spot either above or behind me, leading me to believe there's something there. But, upon looking at the same area, I find nothing. Either my cats hallucinate or their grand mater plan is to make me look stupid. I'm not sure which is true...
Many times I've been the victim of failed murder attempts... Countless times, I've stepped back and found myself almost falling over as I try to not step down hard on one of them. Other times I've had one of them either run in front of me or lay in a dark area where they can't be seen so that I trip over them. And, more often than not, these failed murder attempts take place on the stairs.
I often wonder what runs through their furry, peach pit-sized brains at these times...

I have heard that cats always have one foot in the living world and one foot in Hell, which is why they can be used as a gateway to travel between the two... I'm beginning to think this is true. At the very least, it would explain why cats were, at one time, thought to be witches' familiars.

If cats were humans, I have a feeling they would all be diagnosed as being psychopaths...